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Clarts and Calamities  
Paperback book, 256 pages inc. 22 drawings
 
Henry Brewis  
Published 1988
 
 
 
Price £5.95   add to cart  
ISBN 0-85236-187-4
 

A fictional but very believable farming year in diary form: ‘This is a year in the life of a bloke who’ll never drive a Porsche, seldom wear a tie, and doesn’t commute to work, because he’s there already. He’s been there since the first ewe lambed, the first cow was milked and the first field harvested … and he still hasn’t made any money (or so he says).’

 

 
Clarts and Calamities - Henry Brewis
 
  January 25th
‘ We have a lamb! It has just appeared, as if from a magician’s hat. It is the smallest, runtiest thing I have ever see. It is alive, but completely alone. Some yowes give him an inquisitive inspection but none declares a proper maternal interest.’
June 9th
‘ The office? I’ve just got an auld desk tucked away in what used to be the dairy. Actually I know where everything is – provided Gladys doesn’t tidy up – provided some VAT Inspector doesn’t start an “archaeological dig”.’
 
  August 1st
‘ A glorious summer day. Had another look at the barley. Took a sample to Arthur – the magic box says 18 per cent. Took another sample from the same field to Jimmy Fletcher’s: 22 percent. Took a third to Northern Grain and got a reading of 20 per cent. What do you believe?’
December 25th
Happy Christmas, ho, ho, ho. The tractor with the link box on won’t start. The other one has a flat front tyre. Fortunately it’ll pump up, and hold long enough to do the jump lead trick – but the yowes and outliers are blaring impatiently by the time I get to them, half an hour late.’